Introduction

If you’re reading this article, you probably have or want a healthy, positive, and mutually empowering relationship. We see so much being written and said about relationships these days, many of them being gems of insight, but what exactly does a healthy relationship look like?

The honest answer is that there is no one-size-fits-all regarding human bonds. The definition of a healthy relationship varies across age, cultures, and human personality patterns. For example, to some couples, sharing hobbies, values, or simply being around each other can indicate a healthy bond. In contrast, a healthy relationship may look like giving each other more space and having strong mutual trust.

Lindsey Antin, a famous therapist based in Berkeley, California, pointed out that a common factor that most adult romantic relationships share is adaptability – the power to accept each other and cope with individual differences. Let us dig into what it means to be in a healthy relationship, what are some of the red flags in a relationship that we should pay heed to, and discuss some practical and mundane ways to cultivate a positive and nurturing bond.

A Healthy Relationship Checklist

Most long-lasting relationships share one or more of the following traits. Complete this checklist to see how strong your relationship is. The more ticks, the better. 

  • You are not scared to have open conversations (and awkward ones).

  • You trust each other with your lives.

  • You argue and resolve your problems.

  • You do not abuse each other.

  • You respect each other’s personal and professional spaces.

  • You care about each other’s families.

  • You share future goals.

  • You can trust each other with finances.

  • You share interdependence but do not throw yourselves on each other.

  • You take time out for each other.

  • You are a part of each other’s family/friends/social circle.

  • You laugh together.

  • You respect each other’s individual choices.

  • You share chores when you share a household.

Causes of Relationship Stress

Relationship stressors are like vampires that suck the life out. They creep through issues like jealousy and anger, eventually loosening the bond a couple shared. While conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, here are some common causes of relationship stress – 

  • Neglect 

Whether real or perceived, if a partner feels dejected and ignored, they will start questioning the emotional attachment involved.

  • Disloyalty

As the saying goes, it takes two to make a relationship last long. Cheating or infidelity can cause significant stress in a relationship, leading to feelings of betrayal, anger, and hurt. Recovering from being cheated can be a complex process that requires honesty, communication, and a commitment to rebuilding trust.

  • Suspicion

It is natural to be concerned about the ones we love. However, overwhelming curiosity about the partner’s whereabouts and the urge to make your partner feel answerable all the time adds to the discomfort, ultimately leading to catastrophe.  

  • Disrespect

Disrespecting your partner, using negative words while communicating, belittling your better health, or engaging in verbal or physical abuse leads to immense relationship stress (and even separation in extreme situations). A lack of mutual respect between partners will get the relationship cluttered and into the backseat.

  • Differences in individual values

When partners have different values or goals, it can lead to stress and tension in the relationship. For example, if one partner wants children and the other does not, this can create conflict and stress.

  • Life changes

Significant life changes, such as moving, losing someone close, or having a child, can all cause stress in a relationship. Adjusting to these changes can be difficult and may require extra communication and support.

Red Flags In A Relationship

If you can identify one or more of the following red flags, you should talk to your partner or seek support for rebuilding your bond. 

  • Lack of open communication or the fear of talking openly.

  • Dishonesty and lack of mutual trust.

  • Suspected cheating.

  • Lack of mutual respect.

  • Codependency (whether you are codependent or your partner or both).

  • Feeling demotivated to engage with each other or spend time with each other.

  • Inability to resolve conflicts (you are either holding back grudges or yelling at each other).

  • Lack of emotional regulation while dealing with conflicts.

  • Verbal or physical abuse.

  • Feeling manipulated or having the urge to control your partner.

  • Controlling behaviour on your or your partner’s side.

Protecting your Love Life

Whether you have just moved in with your partner, just started a romantic affair, or have been living in a marital relationship for years, the following strategies can come in handy if you want to save your relationship from getting cluttered.

  • Communicate (Openly)

Communication is the key and the starting point of creating a healthy relationship. If you struggle to have a difficult conversation with your partner, write messages, send voice notes, or talk over the phone. At the same time, also ensure that you listen to your partner’s concerns when they are willing to open up their thoughts and feelings, and you both work together to resolve a problem. 

  • Focus (Only on the positive)

When things go wrong in a relationship, it can be easy to focus on the negatives. However, it is essential to remember your relationship’s positive aspects and build on those. Remember the famous saying – “When you feel like quitting, think about why you started.”

  • Gift (Your time to each other)

Dedicating time to your partner is one of your best contributions. So commit to spending more time with your partner, whether going on dates, taking a weekend getaway, or simply spending quality time together at home.

  • Ask (For help before it is too late)

If you struggle to save your relationship on your own, it is always helpful to seek outside help. Try discussing with your emotional support system, like a friend or family, or consider couples therapy or relationship counselling, where you can objectively view your relationship and be your best judge.

Conclusion

Saving a floundering relationship takes time and effort, and being patient and committed to the process is essential. Remember that setbacks and challenges are normal and that overcoming them with the right mindset and support is possible.

References 

  • Johnson, S. M., Moser, M. B., Beckes, L., Smith, A., Dalgleish, T. L., Halchuk, R. E., … & Hasselmo, K. (2013). Soothing the threatened brain: Leveraging contact comfort with emotionally focused therapy. Plos One, 8(11), e79314
  • Snyder, D. K., Baucom, D. H., & Gordon, K. C. (2007). Treating couples recovering from infidelity: An integrative approach. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 63(11), 1089-1100. 
  • Baucom, D. H., Epstein, N., La Taillade, J. J., Kirby, J. S., & Kirby, L. D. (2015). Cognitive-behavioural couple therapy. In Handbook of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (pp. 333-348). Springer, New York, NY.  
  • Halford, W. K., Sanders, M. R., & Behrens, B. C. (2001). Can skills training prevent relationship problems in at-risk couples? Four-year effects of a behavioural relationship education program. Journal of Family Psychology, 15(4), 750-768.
  • Jacobson, N. S., Christensen, A., Prince, S. E., Cordova, J., & Eldridge, K. (2000). Integrative behavioural couple therapy: An acceptance-based, promising new treatment for couple discord. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 68(2), 351-355.  
  • Doss, B. D., Simpson, L. E., & Christensen, A. (2004). Why do couples seek marital therapy? Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 35(6), 608-614.