Given the furore surrounding Will Smith and Chris Rock at this year’s Oscars, this is a very timely question. Seeing Will Smith physically punch Chris Rock live on stage, in retaliation for a joke made about his wife’s appearance, sent shockwaves around the world.

While some defended Smith for standing up for his wife and family, others found it impossible to justify his actions. Particularly as it was carried on live TV to millions of viewers around the globe.

With society plagued by domestic violence, grappling with the ramifications of the #metoo movement and questioning the place that violence plays in society, this incident has prompted a crucial conversation.

When emotions run high, is it ever okay to use violence to make a point?

What drives violence and aggressive behaviour?

According to a study on almost 1000 adolescents, several cognitive beliefs and a trait of impulsivity can predict violence. The study looked at both positive and negative narcissism dimensions. Positive dimensions include confidence in one’s abilities, while negative dimensions encompass implicativeness, exhibitionism and entitlement. This study showed that some of these beliefs and attitudes are predictive of future violent behaviours. 

Other predictors of violence include grandiosity; self-centred distortion (thinking your beliefs, expectations, desires and rights are more important than others): and having out of touch beliefs not shared by the community. Out of touch beliefs include thinking that antisocial behaviour is acceptable and the tendency to minimise or mislabel violence.

All these factors help justify violence for perpetrators and support the belief that aggressive acts are justified.

What are your honest views on violence?

If the Chris Rock/Will Smith incident shocked you (or didn’t shock you) it’s time to reflect on your own beliefs and attitudes toward violence. Have you ever: 

  • Punched someone because they pushed your buttons?
  • Flicked a finger because someone cut you off?
  • Justified violent behaviour because someone on TV made it ok to slap someone?
  • Believed someone deserved it because they are “idiots” or “wasted your time” or you “deserve better respect”?
  • Put someone down because they were stupid or didn’t do a good enough job?
  • Believed you’re above certain rules?
  • Felt the need to protect your family when they are not in imminent danger by slapping someone for making a bad joke?
  • Felt the need to make a point or put someone in their place by all means necessary?
  • Believed that the rules don’t apply to you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may find yourself unconsciously justifying violence. Coupled with impulsive tendencies, this could have serious consequences on your choices and the trajectory of your life.

What role does impulsivity play in violence and aggression?

Studies have shown that impulsivity plays a significant role in executing a violent act. When we’re impulsive, we are less likely to think about the negative consequences of our behaviour and engage in a personal act of aggression.

Impulsivity has also been shown to be a predictor of antisocial behaviour. Impulsivity is a personality trait implicated in poor decision making, making premature decisions and not being able to deal with the negative consequences of these behaviours.

Moeller and colleagues defined impulsivity as “a predisposition toward rapid, unplanned reactions to internal or external stimuli without regard to the negative consequences of these reactions to the impulsive individual or to others.”

What does impulsivity look like?

When you’re impulsive, you don’t really think about what you’re doing. You don’t have a plan – you are driven to act without thinking things through. You focus on the immediate small rewards of taking action instead of looking at the big picture.

Example: You might prefer an immediate small reward now, such as your favourite fast food. This will give you short-term comfort but could lead to long-term consequences, such as the development of chronic disease as you age.

Impulsive people can’t resist their urges and often feel out of control. They act as soon as the urge strikes, even though it consistently leads to negative consequences. Think about a child in a classroom who hits a classmate, even though they know they will be reprimanded by a teacher or principal. 

What if you act in self-defence?

There are some instances where violence may be justified, such as in cases of self-defence or protecting someone else in immediate danger. You may feel the need to protect those who can’t stand up for themselves or who don’t have a voice. This is a separate issue that deserves its own post. 

It’s also worth mentioning that in the #metoo age, old tropes and offensive jokes are no longer acceptable. Especially for people who are typically “easy targets” – the marginalised, people with a disability or anyone who can’t fight back or defend themselves. 

When these voices are silenced, ridiculed or ignored, even the mildest joke can be triggering. While Smith’s reaction to Rock’s joke about his wife was an extreme reaction, this could have been the final straw in a series of microaggressions directed at his wife in her battle with alopecia.

If you feel the need to protect someone you love or advocate for another, it’s important to do so in a calm and measured manner. Responding with violence is never the answer. As we’ve seen in this high-profile case, the violence has only overshadowed everything else. 

What’s the key takeaway here?

For now, in the wake of the very public stoush between these two famous men, it’s important to reflect on your own beliefs about yourself, violence and the role impulsivity plays in aggressive behaviours. 

Could your low self-esteem or overly positive view of yourself predict future poor behavioural choices? Could your inability to control your emotions see you lash out in a way that could have long-term consequences?

If you notice injustice, wrongdoing or something else that demands a response, do you have the tools to respond without resorting to violence?

Honesty is the best policy

If any of this strikes a chord with you it’s time to be honest with yourself. To move forward it’s important to recognise that if you tend to jump to aggression, this could lead to hurt, regret and ongoing issues with relationships. 

Taking the time to understand what’s driving this behaviour (including any underlying impulsive urges) can help you take charge of your life and feel more in control of your behaviour. It will also prevent scenes like those we just witnessed at the 2022 Academy Awards.

Learn more with our online anger management course

TIP: If your relationship has been damaged by anger or other impulsive problems, explore our relationships course. Save your relationship before it is too late.