With Valentine’s Day done and dusted for another year, some of us may be feeling disappointed, deflated and even resentful. Maybe you were expecting a long-awaited marriage proposal that didn’t materialise? Or, you thought you’d receive some small acknowledgement of your relationship, only to be left with nothing?
Whatever the reason, being let down by the person we care for most can trigger a range of emotions, which left unchecked, can grow into a powerful force. Feeling unvalued, unappreciated and betrayed (either during or following a relationship), can drive not only deep emotions but also impulsive behaviours that are hard to control.
Let’s talk about “House of Gucci”
If you haven’t yet seen “House of Gucci”, here’s a quick rundown. Based on real-life, the story follows Patrizia Reggiani as she goes from a virtual nobody to a member of the powerful fashion family after marrying Maurizio Gucci. After the marriage breaks down, Patrizia battles her feelings of deep pain, jealousy and resentment, before ordering a hit on her ex-husband.
While this is an extreme example, many of us have felt similar feelings of despair and disappointment during or following a relationship. When love goes, the pain that replaces it can be unbearable and turn into a devastating force that drives you towards impulsive and potentially damaging behaviour.
Emotionally exhausted and unable to control this force, people can sometimes make poor decisions. They may call an ex-partner to abuse them, engage in vengeful acts, such as revenge porn or stalking, or, as in Patrizia Reggiani’s case, even resort to murder.
What drives this behaviour?
It appears a mixture of jealousy, money and pent-up resentment drove Patrizia Reggiani to order a hit on her husband. However, there are many reasons why any of us might find ourselves unable to control our actions following a disappointment or breakdown in our relationship.
For example, the impact of domestic violence, betrayal (real or perceived), lack of respect or coercive control can influence our feelings towards a partner and increase the chances of impulsive behaviour.
Factors following the end of a relationship also play a role. Studies have shown that women are often worse off following a divorce or relationship breakdown. In some cases, resentment builds with the burden of single parenting, reduced financial circumstances and limited options for career advancement (largely due to having time off earlier to raise children).
However, what makes us cross the line and act impulsively? Is it uncontrollable anger and rage that finally has an outlet? Is it down to poor impulse control, exacerbated by deep-seated emotion? Or, is it driven by binge drinking or another form of substance abuse?
How to manage these impulses
To avoid going all “House of Gucci” on your partner, it’s important to understand how you are feeling and acknowledge your pain. Experiencing pain, resentment and jealousy during or following the end of a relationship is completely normal, as is feeling an immense sense of loss and grief.
However, impulsively acting on those feelings is not going to change your situation. It will only make it worse. A moment of vengeance is not worth the years of regret or suffering that follow.
Just ask Patrizia Reggiani.
Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost or the events of the past, it helps to be in the moment and appreciate what you have. It’s also a good idea to think about the underlying causes of your impulsivity.
If you’re drinking more alcohol to cope with an unhappy relationship or separation, you may have a hidden binge drinking issue. This could be the reason for your lack of control and poor choices. Having the skills to control your drinking could be the key to finally moving on from the relationship.
You may have always struggled with anger management or found yourself helpless against making impulsive decisions in life. These could be part of the reason you’ve had difficulties in your relationships. In either case, there are effective courses and treatments that can help you develop more self-control and build a new life for yourself.
In the end, it’s important to not let disappointment, pain or jealousy drive you to take impulsive actions that could lead to lifelong consequences. There might be a long road ahead to overcome your current situation, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
LEARN MORE ABOUT IMPULSIVITY COURSES
If you want to take charge of your life and manage your impulsivity for good, we can help. Offering a range of online courses, Impulsivity can guide you towards a healthier and happier life. Take our quick impulsivity test now to see if we can help!
